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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27679748">ragged edges and sharp teeth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/salexectria/pseuds/salexectria'>salexectria</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(Goro's Mother), And the one time he kisses someone, Brief Mention of Blood, Canon Universe, Canonical Character Death, First Kiss, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentions of underage drinking, Non-consensual platonic affection, References to Depression, Shuake Week 2020, The six times someone kisses Goro Akechi, persona 5 royal spoilers, this is fucking sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:49:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,304</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27679748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/salexectria/pseuds/salexectria</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But in truth, in reality, Goro is selfish. Always will be. He is all ragged edges and sharp teeth, he is rough and all consuming and unrelenting. </p><p>And ruining Akira is perhaps his most selfish desire of all.</p><p> </p><p>Shuake Week 2020: Free Day (a six and one prompt)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>ragged edges and sharp teeth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> <em>i. his mother</em> </b>
</p><p>Goro is six years old and he is crying.</p><p> </p><p>The water is scalding against his skin but that he doesn’t quite mind. He tries to fight the tears but they fall despite his brave efforts to not let them roll down his cheeks. Normally, he likes this place. The bathhouse is usually calm and comforting, and feels a little bit like an adventure when he’s sent here on his own. But tonight, he knows something is <em> wrong </em>. </p><p>One of her “<em> friends </em>” is over. One of the many he doesn’t like. His mother had that look on her face when she ushered him outside, the kind of look that made him want to stay rooted to the spot, clinging to her leg and begging to not be sent away. </p><p>He doesn’t know how long he’s been in this place, time almost doesn’t feel real in the bath. But it’s been long enough for his fingers and toes to prune, for his tears to have (finally) run out, and everyone else to have left. He runs his wrinkled fingertips over the tiles of the tub that are smooth and sleek, and wonders if anyone would come looking for him if he stayed in the water all night. </p><p>Probably not.</p><p>He sinks another few centimeters so that the water reaches his chin, and thinks about staying. </p><p>But he would miss his mother too much, and his eyes sting immensely, and all he wants is to fall asleep with her curled up next to him on his futon. He wouldn’t even mind if she hogged all the covers. It would be enough to know she was with him. That he wouldn’t be alone anymore.</p><p>He fumbles his way out of the tub and into his night clothes with clumsy, pruned fingers. The street is empty as he walks back to the complex where he and his mother live. The door is unlocked, but he vigilantly locks it behind him like she taught him. She must have forgotten. Again. But that’s okay! Because Goro can reach the top lock now and knows she must be tired, that’s all.</p><p>There are no lights on except for the glare from TV, a forgotten channel making ambient noise he barely notices. He creeps towards her bedroom and slides the door aside to find it empty, to his relief. No strangers left to linger in the space he covets. The next place he knows to check is the bathroom, which is where he finds her laying on the ground. Her head lifts at the noise and her eyes widen when she sees he’s standing in the doorway.</p><p>“Go-chan?”</p><p>He’s seen his mother like this before. He knows she’s hurting but doesn’t know why (a much older Goro would understand and curse himself for not noticing sooner. But he was six, and a six year old wouldn’t know what to do. He would blame himself anway.). He lays down beside her on the floor and she tucks him underneath her chin. He pretends he doesn’t hear her cry, pretends that he hadn’t just been crying himself, and buries his face in her neck. Her hair is damp but smells like home, floral and fresh in the way that makes his heart ache. He is grateful it's not the lingering scent of cigarettes and sweat that sometimes would stain her skin in ways that would make his stomach churn. </p><p>He thinks she’ll be okay this time when he feels a tender kiss on the top of his head, on his temple, on his cheek when she finally pries him away from her throat. </p><p>He thinks she’ll be okay when she whispers <em> I love you </em>, against his forehead as she carries him into his room, and helps him get ready for bed.</p><p>He thinks she’ll be okay when she leaves a chaste kiss on his lips when they are finally curled up on his futon together, as she brushes away the tears that somehow, some way, had found themselves running down his puffy face again. </p><p>But he doesn’t hear her when she says <em> I’m sorry </em>with soft lips pressed to his damp eyelids. After his fingers have woven into the locks of her hair like a lifeline.</p><p>Because Goro is already half asleep, and doesn’t have the energy to kiss her goodnight. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>ii. a relative</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Goro is nine years old and he is numb.</p><p> </p><p>It’s freezing outside and no one thought to give him a heavier jacket. So he stands there shivering, hands fisted under his armpits as he tries to breathe normally. The air burns his lungs each time he takes a hiccupping breath, and wishes more than anything that someone would wake him up. Because this has to be a dream. A cruel one. </p><p>Then someone grabs his face and kisses his cheek, starling him out of the haze that had settled upon him like a wet blanket. They had meant it to be a comforting gesture he would come to realize much later in his life, but his traumatized nine year old brain couldn’t handle it and he violently recoils. </p><p>The shove isn’t strong enough to deter this woman… an aunt? A great aunt? A friend of his mother? Goro doesn’t know. He’s never met her before. Or maybe he has? If so, she clearly wasn’t important enough to remember or leave an impact on his life before this moment. </p><p>All he knows is they violated his space and as he remembers what his mother--he chokes on the protest that formed on his lips as he repeatedly pushes himself farther from the person trying to hold onto him--he remembers what his mother had always told him.</p><p>“<em>Don’t let anybody touch you unless you want them to </em>.” </p><p>He holds those words close to his heart, hoping the punches he’s throwing get his message across. </p><p>He didn’t want to be touched by anyone.</p><p>Anger bubbles up from somewhere in his gut. Why didn’t his mother do the same when all those “friends” touched her when she didn’t want them to? Why couldn’t she be strong enough? Why wasn’t <em> he strong enough to protect her </em>?</p><p>
  <em> Why wasn’t he enough? </em>
</p><p>Bile rises in his throat when he finally breaks the hold of the hands that were gripping his chin, his elbow... blatantly ignoring the affronted scoffs and whispers of <em> what a disgrace, such a rude child, </em>that circled in the wake of his outburst.</p><p>The only person he wants holding him is his mother. </p><p>But she is six feet under the dirt at his feet, and won’t ever be able to hold him again.</p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>iii. a girl in the orphanage</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Goro is eleven and is taken completely by surprise.</p><p> </p><p>One moment he is huddled around a board game in his room with a classmate, and the next she is suddenly leaning into his personal space, pushing her face into his. His eyes go wide as he braces himself on the edge of the desk so as not to fall out of his seat. </p><p>He never really thought about kissing girls before it happened, and knew immediately after that he probably would never think about kissing girls again. </p><p>His body reacts faster than his brain and shoves her off. She gasps and stumbles back, her expression twisting in confusion at his rejection. </p><p>“Why,” he says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “did you do that?”</p><p>“Because I like you, and I wanted to kiss you…did you not like it?</p><p>He had never been kissed like <em> that </em>before. He thought first kisses were supposed to feel special. But this...felt empty. And bluntly says as much to her.</p><p>She looks at him like he had slapped her across the face. “I-I thought...you liked me back?” </p><p>“What gave you that idea?”</p><p>Guilt only starts to settle in his gut when he sees the tears welling up in her eyes just before she mutters something akin to an apology and bolts out of his room.</p><p>He glares at the spot she had been standing.The longer he thinks about it, the angrier and more justified Goro feels. He doesn’t regret telling her the truth but… he drops his head on his arms.</p><p>He can’t even make friends right. Maybe he really was broken, like all the other kids say he is. </p><p>She gets adopted two days later. </p><p>He doubts she even remembers that kiss.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <b> <em>iv. a hook up</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Goro is seventeen and it's a means to an end. </p><p> </p><p>Goro hates these events, but has to attend to keep up airs with Shido and his... <em> associates </em>. To be available for Shido to both dangle in front of and threaten his inner circle with. The fact Goro fits in with them at all makes his skin crawl, and he drowns the urge to peel it off with the complimentary wine he’s (illegally) being served. It’s the least offensive crime he’s committed by a landslide.</p><p>Goro just needs to be seen and not heard. To both impress and intimidate. And it works every time. </p><p>But tonight, it works perhaps a little too well. Or Goro is a little too drunk to care anymore, and wants to get something, anything out of this hell he’s stuck in. Which is how he finds himself pressed up against a bathroom door by the son of some sycophant politician dragged along by his father hoping to get in Shido’s good graces.</p><p>The boy is his age, maybe a little older. Far too eager, excited, and sloppy. He kisses Goro hastily, before Goro could stop him (it’s not what they're in this bathroom for, and they both know it). The boy’s mouth is clumsy, and the kiss is full of inexperienced tongue and tastes of the sickly sweet moscato they’ve been chasing. When the boy tries to deepen the kiss, Goro takes a fistful of this boy’s hair and yanks. It earns him a yelp.</p><p>Glaring down at him, Goro simply states, “On your knees.”</p><p>And the boy obeys without a second thought. </p><p>The boy doesn’t like <em> him </em>. He likes the image he carefully manufactured to be desirable. Even if the boy claims he went down on the Detective Prince in a bathroom in some fancier hotel in Shinjuku, no one will believe him. </p><p>Back at his apartment, Goro slams down the mug of tea he had made to wash out the taste of the boy from the party. If that boy really knew what Goro kept buried underneath the layers and layers of masks he wore, what he was truly capable of, he would run away screaming. </p><p>But it doesn’t matter, it’s not like the boy’s affection was really for <em> Goro </em> . And Goro held none for the boy. It means nothing. A release, an excuse to feel something other than seething rage for a few minutes. A pitiable excuse for human connection Goro so desperately craved. <em> How pathetic. </em></p><p>Goro begins to laugh. </p><p>And when his manic laughter breaks into sobs he can’t quite tell.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <b> <em>v. his rival</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Goro is eighteen and it stops his entire world.</p><p> </p><p>Stepping out of the Jazz Jin, Goro is quickly enveloped by the brisk November chill that finally settled itself in the streets of Kichijoji. It seeps through his clothes and makes him shiver, craving the warmth and atmosphere of the lounge they just left. </p><p>He shouldn’t even be here with Akira. Against his better judgment, Goro had reached out, invited him here one last time before…</p><p>Akira ducks around him as the door shuts, effectively cutting off the only exit out into the street. </p><p>“Akechi, can I ask you a question?”</p><p>Goro raises a brow. “I suppose.”</p><p>Akira removes his hands from his pockets, and suddenly seems unsure of what to do with them. Turning them over and flexing his fingers as he says, “Um, I’ll need you to close your eyes first.”</p><p>“Akira, we don’t have time for games,” Goro chides in that manufactured plastic tone of voice the Prince uses to let his fans down easy.</p><p>(Thinking Akira will probably try to shove some stupid trinket in his hands like last time. And Goro will have to repeatedly decline said trinket until Akira inevitably shoves it in his pocket while he’s not looking, only for Goro to find it later when he takes off his coat back at his apartment).</p><p>A soft laugh pulls him back to the present. And then, “Indulge me, <em> detective</em>. Please?”</p><p>Maybe it was the poorly disguised desperation hidden in Akira’s voice that made him cave to the delinquent’s whim, or Goro’s realization that this was perhaps the last time he would ever get to feel like a normal teenager before...  </p><p>Goro rolls his eyes and gives in to Akira’s request with a sigh. “Alright.” </p><p>The sounds of Kichijoji’s nightlife are amplified when his eyes flutter shut. He becomes hyper aware of the cold clinging to his skin, the idle chatter of the passerby at the top of the stairs, milling about down the street.The welcoming scent of coffee that never seems to fade from Akira’s clothes. The sound of Akira stepping closer into his space. </p><p>Suddenly, alarms are going off in Goro’s brain as he register’s Akira’s hand cupping his cheek, skin to skin. </p><p>“May I?” Akira’s question is whispered so quietly, Goro thinks he feels it more than he hears it.</p><p>Goro swallows, unable to get his tongue to work to form words. It’s the first time anyone has ever asked Goro for his permission, for his consent, and he has no idea how to even voice how that makes him feel. </p><p>It’s blindsiding him.</p><p>A thumb traces over Goro’s bottom lip, and his eyes snap open. He’s peering right into irises of silver, sparkling from the string lights that hang around them in the stairwell of the Jazz Jin’s entryway.</p><p>“You said you would keep them closed,” Akira whispers, gaze dropping to where his thumb is still idling tracing Goro’s mouth. </p><p>Goro’s prolonged silence seems to unnerve Akira, for he begins to pull away. Without thinking, Goro’s hand shoots out and grabs the lapel’s of Akira’s coat, holding him in place. Goro wasn’t even aware he moved until Akira let out a small gasp.</p><p>“I never said that,” Goro murmurs, but his eyes fall shut anyway when Akira leans in again.</p><p>Akira’s lips are so soft, so delicate and gentle when he presses them against Goro’s mouth. They are everything Goro is not, and Goro is <em> melting </em>. It’s so much kinder than he deserves, far more genuine than Goro is even capable of being.</p><p>“To remember me by,” Akira breathes when Goro parts his lips to taste more of him, “since we agreed to stop seeing each other after this.”</p><p>Too soon the warmth from Akira’s mouth is gone, and so is the dark haired boy. Having assimilated into the shadows to leave Goro alone in that stairwell.</p><p>It changes everything and nothing at the same time.</p><p>Goro still puts a bullet in Akira’s brain two days later, but it's his own head that explodes. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>vi. a kiss met halfway</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Goro is still eighteen, and living on borrowed time. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Your life isn’t trivial! </em>”</p><p>Goro has never wanted to believe anything so badly before. But knows in the shell of his empty heart, that Akira is wrong. </p><p>That he’s just being a brainless, sentimental fool, giving Goro’s life more meaning than it ever had the right to have.</p><p>Yet the thief’s words echo in the recesses of his mind, with each step he takes away from Leblanc for them only resonate louder. By the time he reaches the main road, the words are deafening screams and he has to--has to--</p><p>Akira is just where he left him. Sitting there stupidly at the cafe counter with his face in his hands.</p><p>The door to Leblanc is ripped open. It shakes on its hinges as it absorbs the aftershocks of being slammed into the wall by the force of Goro’s hand. The jingle of the bell is drowned out by the roar of Akira’s voice in Goro’s ears.</p><p>Akira startles and whips his head in the direction of the noise. Goro can see the thief’s eyes are swollen and red, brimming with unshed tears as he pulls his hands away from his face. His mouth falls open, brows furrowed in shock or confusion, Goro isn’t keen on differentiating at the moment because he’s too busy closing the distance between them. </p><p>Goro is so sick of other people defining what his life is meant to be. So sick and tired of being manipulated, following orders like some kind of marionette on a string. And for nothing in the end. Because Goro is his own worst enemy the cards were stacked against him from the beginning.</p><p>So fuck it. Goro decides for the first time in a long time that he wants to be touched. To be held. To feel the weight of someone’s desire for him pressing in from all angles. He wants to drown himself in Akira until he can breathe nothing else. </p><p>And Akira meets him halfway.</p><p>They don’t speak of what they’re doing, as they tumble up the stairs to Akira’s room. </p><p>They do not name the desperate feeling they are chasing through each other’s clothes as they fall to the floor. </p><p>They refuse to acknowledge the truth that is passed between each other’s mouths, secrets they had kept buried beneath flesh now exposed.</p><p>But everything left unsaid hangs in the silent spaces between their bodies as they move as one. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><b>+1 </b> <b> <em> a kiss goodbye</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>Goro is (still) eighteen, and he is dying.</p><p> </p><p>It takes less than a minute.</p><p>Goro does his best to keep the desperation out of his eyes but can’t keep it from his hands. </p><p>Hands that reach for Akira to roughly pull him into the helicopter after Maruki, who had been tossed aside like a ragdoll.</p><p>Goro drags the beaten and bloodied thief into his lap, and no one seems to pay them any attention, too focused on either watching the unconscious therapist in the back, the collapsing palace around them, or the brilliant white light they were heading for.</p><p>Akira goes to unhinge his helmet, and Goro lets him. It clatters to the ground, next to where Akira abandoned his own mask. </p><p>He lets Akira drag his fingers across his chest, to travel up and bury themselves in his hair, to cradle the back of his head like the most precious treasure he’s ever laid hands on. So much of Goro yearned to be touched, and there was so little time.</p><p>Goro slides his own hands, still encased in clawed gauntlets, along Akira’s battered face. He uses the pads of his thumbs to trace the angle of Akira’s jaw as he crushes his mouth against Akira’s for the last time. Akira’s blood is sweet on his tongue. </p><p>For a split second, Goro wishes he could have been a stronger, more selfless man in his final moments. One who didn’t covet things that were never his (<em> would never be his </em>), or ruin the things he touches. </p><p>But in truth, in reality, Goro is selfish, always will be. He is all ragged edges, and sharp teeth, he is rough and all consuming and unrelenting. And ruining Akira is perhaps his most selfish desire of all.</p><p>Goro knows Akira deserves better, but Akira allows it willingly all the same. Letting Goro lay claim to everything Akira is, everything Akira could be for a moment. For a moment, it all belongs to Goro. </p><p>And in return, Akira takes everything from him. His revenge, his anger, his envy, his loneliness, his heart. Devouring what is left of Goro Akechi as the false reality shatters around them in a blaze of white light.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>shows up at the end of Shuake Week on the Free Day prompt 15 minutes late with starbucks.</p><p>so this was an exercise in writing in present tense, as I usually default to past tense in my fics. if anything is grammatically off, please let me know! this wasn't beta read. or if I missed something that should be tagged</p><p>(I also have an epilogue that ends happy for this fic but I think I want to post it separately, because I kind of want the Hurt/No Comfort to stand alone... but we'll see. I could always add it as a second, optional chapter. Let me know your thoughts!)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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